sending sos from this tiny box

[vendetta raelynn williams]

five days. it had been five days since she last talked to caleb. it broke her heart to be so far away from him. to not be able to hear his voice. to not have his arms around her, soothing her back, telling her that everything would be okay. ever since the gossip came out, vendetta's life had changed drastically. people kept muttering their sorry's and offering her some sort of life advice as if it would change anything. while she appreciated people offering to lend out a ear to listen to her, there was just nothing to say. whether she said anything or kept anything, it doesn't change the end results. she's still going to die in a few short years. but one of the many regrets after the gossip post had come out was breaking caleb's heart. but she had no choice. she hadn't wanted to.

but caleb was still so young, so very handsome, and so very very talented. he had a whole life of himself, and he chose to fall in love with someone that didn't have long to live. she didn't want to put him through this. she didn't want him having to see her on the hospital bed, the light in her slowly fading away. for every collapse, every simple little thing, he would have to be there to catch her, to finish the easy tasks for her. and when she dies...... it would only hurt more. it would hurt so much more than this heart break. she had thought about this long and hard. if it was caleb that died.... the feeling was terrible. it felt like she couldn't breathe, like a part of her was dragged to the grave with his body. and she didn't want him experiencing that feeling when her time finally came.

detta shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes as she prepared herself to go to work. that was all she did since christmas- work her ass off, taking on as many shifts as she could to distract herself from the pain. she changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before grabbing her bag. she hadn't found a jacket to be necessary despite the freezing weather. however, as she reached the courtyard, the pain in her left side started again. ever since she stopped taking the medications her doctor prescribed, the pain had been more frequent. still, she often pushed through them as if it was nothing. but unlike the previous episodes, this one was excruciating. it felt like someone was dragging a butcher knife inside her, slowly torturing her. she bent over, one hand grasping at her side and the other on the bench in front of her, trying to hold herself upright. before she could get herself to sit down, her knees weakened and she started to fall as the light around her slowly faded into blackness.

tagged: caleb

[caleb hunter mcmillian]

it had been five whole days since he finally got the courage to tell her everything he wanted to tell her for so long. five whole days since his worst fear became reality. rejection. heart break. losing the one person he would always love. it was like she died, yes she was there and he could talk to her but it wasn't the same. because now there was an awkwardness to it and there just was no smiles and happy thoughts but sadness. he wished he could just turn back time and just play the song and not tell her a thing. or not even write the song. there was so much he did wrong, and he wanted to fix it so he could be there for vendetta. be there for the girl he loves so much but he knew it had to be awkward for her, because now she knew how he felt and he just didn't want to put her through that.

though he did decide that he would at least take her advice and go outside. not because girls would be 'flocking' all over him, and it was apparent that no girl could care. he was just plain old caleb, in love with a girl who didn't love him back. if anything, people should be sad for him because there just was no getting over her and he would forever love her. alive or dead. he was just that much in love with vendetta. she was just his best friend but he needed air. he knew that, it wasn't healthy to just stay inside all day and not go get fresh air. so that is how he ended up out of the boys dorms and into the fresh air that was the courtyard.

upon seeing the familiar blonde hair he was about to turn away and walk back inside to avoid causing her to feel any awkwardness but then he watched her slowly begin to collapse and he hurried faster to her. finally making it to her as she started to fall and he caught her. not exactly catching her but enough to softly lower her to the bench and then he picked her up, carrying her to the infirmary and he watched them call and ambulance, it took some persuading but finally they let him ride in the back to the medical center, where he waited in the waiting room. finally the doctor said he could go in, he walked right past him and to detta's room. he didn't wait to hear anything else, he just wanted to see her and make sure she was okay and wait for her to wake up and then he'd leave. so she wouldn't have to feel the awkwardness he was sure she felt. he just sat in the chair next to her bed and watched her lay there on the bed, eyes closed, worry and sadness evident on his face.

words: 491
tagged ruby with vendetta
notes poor cale>>

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[vendetta raelynn williams]

there had been so many times she had wished to hear the words of affection from caleb. day and day she had wished that he liked her in that sense. she hoped for the longest time that he would feel that way for her. she loved him with her entire soul. she had always loved him and would always love him, but it just couldn't happen. if this was a different lifetime or if she was someone else, then maybe she could return the love back to him. maybe she'd finally be able to say i love you like she's always wanted to, but unfortunately, she wasn't someone else. she wasn't in a different life time. she was stuck in this one. it wasn't fair, she knew, but life was life. the cancer cells weren't going anywhere and there was nothing she could do about it except let caleb love someone else. she wanted him to move onto someone that wasn't her. someone that was alive and healthy. it was better that way. he would have a life with her. he would have a marriage. he would have a family; something that detta would never be able to give him.

what's worst was that even sammy seemed to be avoiding her. every time she talked to sammy, it was like they were strangers. he was awful to her. what he had said to her had been really painful. when he said "thanks for ruining my life" that was what did it for vendetta. she never thought she'd see the day that he would say something like that to her. albeit he was drunk. but that didn't give him the right to say that. and to have forget what he had said that to her hurt her even more. she decided she wouldn't bother him anymore. if he felt that way, then she would stay away no matter how much it hurt her to do so. she didn't want to ruin his life. she didn't want to be the reason his life was so miserable. she wanted it to go away. she wanted him to be happy. she didn't want him hurting because of her and what she had. she didn't want anyone to be sad because she was dying. she wanted them to be happy and move on.

she hadn't expected the pain to come on so strong nor the dizziness that accompanied it. she had thought that her death would be painless. or at least she had been hoping that it would. however, it just felt like she fell into a deep sleep, just falling and falling into this well of darkness. the light at the end of the tunnel seemed hard to find. she hadn't even gotten to say goodbye to anyone. her parents didn't even know she had cancer. but now she was dead and she'll never ever be able to say goodbye. but the further she fell the louder the ringing next to her sounded. and soon it just turned into be a heartbeat echoed. she frowned a little, her body shifting a little on her bed. the noise next to her was rather annoying and she wanted it to stop. her eyes slowly opened, the vision in front of her a little blurry. she groaned, raising her hand to rub her eyes as it became clear. she turned her head a little, seeing caleb, she frowned in confusion. "caleb? what happened? where am i?"


tagged: caleb

[caleb hunter mcmillian]

he was sitting in the chair extremely worried because all he wanted was his detta to be okay, and yeah they already told him that she'd live but that didn't mean she'd be okay. that didn't mean she would he his detta or that they would be happy together. it hurt him so much to not have her be his but he would have to deal because she didn't love him back. then again he knew that, he was prepared for the rejection, even if it wasn't the thing he wanted. he had prepared himself for it. though he didn't prepare himself for this. seeing her in the bed like this, seeing her fall the way she had. that wasn't something one could prepare themselves for and it hurt him deeply. because he loved her and seeing her hurt like that, in pain. well it pained him too.

when her eyes opened, he let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding and he looked at her. he expected her to ask why he was here but she didn't and he felt kind of awkward just sitting there because he didn't even know if they were still friends or what they were. he just knew he was madly in love with her and that she didn't feel the same way about her. "your at the med center. i was leaving the dorms to get some fresh air and you..were fainting i guess and so.." he could feel his heart race at how nervous he was just being here with her. he couldn't go back to pretending he didn't care because he already let her know that he cared a lot more than he ever let on before and to just pretend like he didn't just didn't seem right to him. "i took you to the infirmary and um..they sent you here and..i've been here since they said..i could." he kind of frowned just looking at her worried, "i'd ask..if you were okay but i doubt you are. so um..i'll go? now that your up." he wanted to make this less awkward for her, though he rather stay here with her and not leave until she was out but that would be weird. he was sure of it.

words: 379
tagged ruby with vendetta
notes poor cale>>

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[vendetta raelynn williams]

she hadn't know how much it would hurt to tell him that she didn't love him like that. that she couldn't love him like that. it was worst than any pain she had ever felt. it was worst than the pain in her left side that the leukemia cells were inflicting on her. she couldn't describe the pain that she had felt when she watched him walk away like that. it was earth shattering. like the oxygen in her lungs were being sucked out of her. she couldn't breathe, and her heart felt heavy. like some girl with their newly done manicured nails were slowly squeezing the life out of her, their nails slowly scrapping at its skin while it kept digging. she wanted to tell him to come back, that she loved him too and that she could bare to think of him with another girl. the thought of him loving someone else, holding someone else and making his songs for someone else entirely broke vendetta. despite the fact that she kept telling him that she would rather have it this way, she would never admit how much it truly hurt her. having to push him into the arms of another girl simply made her want to shoot herself and end the pain already.

she shook her head a little as caleb spoke. med center? why would she be here? it didn't make sense. she was so confused. she didn't have to do another set of tests until later tonight. that was when her appointment was. why was she here on the hospital bed now? it didn't make any sense to the barely conscious detta. fainting? that didn't sound like her. sure, she's had a few collapses due to joint weakness or the pain in her left side. she didn't faint. that wasn't her. her eyes widened a little at the sudden realization. she bit down on her lower lip guiltily. she hadn't taken her meds for almost a week now; her doctor was going to skin her alive. she started to shake her head when caleb told her she would go. she groaned a little, trying to sit up so she could get him to come back but hissed in pain before lying back down. she coughed a little, "w-wait..... c-cale.... please stay... don't... don't leave me... please..." she pleaded hoarsely, her hand reaching, catching the cuff of his shirt as she pulled lightly, desperately wanting him by her side.


tagged: caleb

[caleb hunter mcmillian]

he didnt know how good it would feel to finally let those three words out that he kept inside him for so long. i love you. three simple words he used everyday, but saying them together and in that order was the best feeling he ever had. there was no more fear, no more sadness but he was just extremely happy. the bad thing was, that even though he was afraid so much, he hadn't been prepared for the pain that the rejection would cause. it was so unknown to him that it would hurt so much. the moment vendetta raelynn williams said she didn't feel the same way about him. the very moment those words 'i can't' left her lips, that was when his heart was ripped from his chest and he just couldn't feel anymore. it was like everything he had known just disappeared and was replaced with something horrible and new. he didn't like it and he didn't want it. he wanted his detta back and to just be able to be happy but here he was. with his vendetta and sad. confused. but mostly sad.

he would never leave her side though, no matter how much it hurt to sit there, knowing that she didn't love him back. he just couldn't leave her side if she didn't want him too because he loved her and wanted her to be happy. that was all he cared about and all he would care about. making vendetta happy, even if it hurt him to do so, he didn't care any. looking at her hand, grasping at his cuff, he stumbled closer to the bed and nodded. "detta calm down. i won't leave you, it'll be okay. they'll probably just run some tests and make sure your okay." he put his hand over hers and tries to smile, to show it was all okay and that it would all be okay. even if he didn't know, he wanted it to be okay and he'd make sure it was okay because that was what mattered. "i'll stay detta."

words: 347
tagged ruby with vendetta
notes<.< this sucks oh well xD

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[vendetta raelynn williams]

she hadn't wanted to hurt him like that. she knew that it had taken a lot of effort on caleb's part to admit his feeling to her. the look on her face. it was worst than any feeling that detta had ever felt. guilt was gnawing at her at every minute of every day. ever since that day, his heartbroken face had been haunting her day and night. despite her telling him that he should go out to get some fresh air, she was being a rather big hypocrite. she had been cooped up in her dorm room alone since boxing day. ever since sammy had said what he had said to her, she knew she couldn't go home. she couldn't face him like that. she knew that her daddy knew something was wrong though. he had called her over thirty times now, but she couldn't bring herself to call back. she didn't have the willpower to call him. she didn't want him to hear her heartbroken voice. the same voice that had cried into her pillow day and night for the past few days. he didn't know what was wrong, and she wasn't sure she wanted to be the one to share the news that his baby girl was dying. but she would have to tell him sooner or later. especially since her doctor was on her back about telling people. well karma had taken its toll on her. her doctor was right. she should have told someone first before someone else told. but she had been stubborn. she thought she was protecting her family.

instead, it blew up in her face. that gossip person had found out she had cancer and posted it school wide. now everyone knew and they were treating her differently. from their stares to their whispers to their looks of pity to their words of sorrow. what's worst was now her own brother probably hates her just as much as her sister does. and she wouldn't be surprised if caleb hated her too. if the roles were reversed, she would hate her too. topher was right of course. she was being selfish. she wasn't protecting them. she was lying. it wasn't fair for her to decide for them what they should do now that they knew she had cancer. if caleb wanted to spend whatever years she had left with her even though it would be a really big burden, then that was his choice. she had no right to decide for him that he should move on to another girl. that wasn't her's to decide. but she was stubborn. she didn't want to put caleb through all this. she would have to be taken care of constantly. from her treatments, to her losing her hair, to seeing the light in her slowly fade. she would look like death. she didn't want him there when she died. she didn't want him there to see the process. because she knew that if she was caleb, it was going to hurt too much to watch the one you loved dying. she didn't want that from caleb, and they didn't understand that she was just trying to protect him from that. to protect everyone from that.

but she had promised sammy that she would tell her daddy and kelsey the news. she was hoping she could back out but now that she was in the hospital, she was sure someone would have notified her parents by now considering she was a minor and couldn't be released until a parent or guardian signed the papers. she was afraid of their reaction though. would they be the same as sammy's? would they treat her like she was still the same detta like caleb? or would they say "i'm so sorry" like all the other adults? she had never thought she would hate a word so much before. the word 'sorry' was always lingering on everybody's lip when they see her. and she hated it. mrs. hollins had said it, mrs. arlington, and even claire had told her she was sorry. she was so tired of listening to that word. it made the situation more depressing than it actually was. still, every night, she had to ask herself why? why her? why did the cancer cells have to pick her? what had she done to deserve this? those questions seemed to run through her mind constantly. detta swallowed hard, pushing those questions to the back of her mind so she wouldn't cry again. she nodded at his reassurance, "okay." but she knew it wasn't. okay, that is. they were going to run a lot of tests. she wasn't going to be okay. that was just a fact. but she smiled and acted like she didn't doubt his words before she sighed and looked away guiltily. "i'm sorry caleb.... you must.... really hate me." she said, whispering out the last three words.


tagged: caleb

[caleb hunter mcmillian]

caleb knew it wasn't really going to be okay but that's what you told the people you loved, so they wouldn't dwell on the fact that it wouldn't be okay. you didn't want them to think about the pain or the hurt and you didn't want to think about it either. though every day he spent alone in his room, his mind was wrapped around vendetta and the pain she must be going through all alone. he almost left his room to go check on her but he stopped himself because it was what she wanted. she didn't want him and he wouldn't force his presense on her because that would be selfish of him. even though he wanted to see her so bad, he just couldn't do that to his detta. make her deal with the guy she didn't love all because he loved her too much to give up. but here he was, standing next to her, not wanting to leave and not leaving. because she asked him to stay.

he hadn't changed his mind about her and he didn't love her any less because she was still vendetta raelynn williams. but she was dying and there was no getting around that but she wasn't any less the sweet beautiful woman he'd always love and he wanted to spend the last of her years loving her. that wasn't too much to ask was it? to just love someone for the bit of time you could? it wasn't like he'd stop loving her after she died, if anything he would continue to love her. his love for her would live on and grow and prosper until the day he died himself and was reunited with the love of his life in heaven. but it wouldn't happen because vendetta didn't love him back, so instead he'd love her but he wouldn't be able to kiss her and hold her the way he always dreamed about doing. she didn't want that. so he couldn't.

caleb couldn't believe the words that left her mouth. how could he hate her? why would he hate her? because she didn't love him back of course but he couldn't control her feelings and he was prepared for the answer. he had been prepared for that answer since her first began falling madly in love with his best friend. he never really expected her to love him back and that would have been too much to really ask. it was why he didn't say anything but he wouldn't have ben able to live with himself if he didn't say it. not now. not knowing his time with her was slowly fading but he regretted it. he hated himself for saying something because now he was sure he already lost her forever. or that was before she asked him to stay. he just shook his head at the beautiful girl on the bed. "detta. i can't hate you. i couldn't ever hate you."

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words: 495
tagged: ruby with vendetta
notes:<.< aint it sexy?XD

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[vendetta raelynn williams]

the thought of him hating her was enough to kill her. of all people, caleb hating her would be the worst. having someone you love deeply hate you was just more than painful. it was deadly. maybe she was just selfish. she wanted all these things from him but at the same time, she didn't want him like that. it wasn't fair for him. she was giving him mixed signals and she knew that she was doing that, but her heart was telling her one thing and her mind was telling her another. her heart, entirely and completely, wanted caleb. her heart wanted caleb so badly. her mind, on the other hand, told her that it was more reasonable and logical to let him go. her mind wanted him to move on, and give up on her. she was a lost cause and he would just be wasting his time on someone that didn't even have a future. it was telling he that he needed to let her go. her mind told her that she needed to let him go. she didn't want to drag him down.

but the days she spent alone in her room during their winter break was lonely. more than lonely. it was just her and two empty beds. a dark room filled with nothing but sadness and guilt. her heart yearned for caleb's smile, laughter, and words of optimism. he always knew how to fix things. like he somehow knew all the right things to say so that her world would seem a little less dark. so many times she wanted to get out of her room and go find him. but she was afraid. so afraid that he hated her for saying that she couldn't return the love for him. could he tell that she had lied? did he know that she didn't truly mean it? could he possible know that she loved him so much that it hurts? it hurts to think of him moving on. it hurts to think he'll have a family some day and that it wouldn't be her's. it hurts to think of him having a future with some other girl that's prettier, smarter, more talented, and everything that he loved about a woman.

she wanted to tell him so badly how much she returned the love for him. she loved him so much. and day after day, the words "i love you too" lingered on the tips of her tongue, but her mind always overpowered her heart. it refused to let her say those words to caleb because if she told him that she loved him too, then she was being selfish. selfish because she wanted him all to herself for the rest of her life. selfish because she was taking away his future with someone else. taking away his ability to find someone that can give him a family and a future. he deserved to love a woman that can give him those things, and detta couldn't give him that. she couldn't give him anything. looking at him now, like this, she wanted to break out in tears. she loved him so much but nothing can ever happen. and to know that she would never be able to be held in his arms made her world seem even more gloomy. she looked away from him, biting on the insides of her cheeks before slowly letting it go. she heaved out a long sigh, "why?" she asked in a whisper, "i would."


tagged: caleb
notes: very very very very prettyful <3

[caleb hunter mcmillian]

there just wasn't any reason to hate vendetta and it was practically impossible for him to hate her. she could yell and scream at him to go away but he wouldn't be able to do it or hate him because that was how much the boy loved the beautiful blonde. she just was so sweet and caring and optimistic. or that was before that horrid anon girl told everyone about her cancer and then she just wasn't happy and it hurt caleb. it made him want to make her happy, it was why he told her. so he could have her be his for the little bit of his life that god would allow him, that he could try and make her really happy. but he couldn't do it.

everyday since she told him she didn't love him the same way, he was hurt. he cried, he stayed in his room. he had nothing else to do, he didn't even touch his guitar. which was strange because the boy never let go of it. he breathed music but he felt too bad to want to play. he just wanted to sit on his bed and cry. cry his little eyes out. vendetta was everything he could love in somebody. she was beautiful, smart, talented, hard-working and everything. what more could the boy ask for? there really wasnt' anything at all because he wanted that. he wanted detta. she was everything and more. she was the perfect girl. okay well no one was perfect but to caleb, he didn't need anyone but detta. now he had no one. it was sad but he would get over it for her. maybe they would still be friends. who knew really.

why? why was she asking that kind of thing. why would he even hate her? he had no reason to hate her and he couldn't control her feelings. it was hard but he had to deal with it. "vendetta i can't hate you because i can't control your feelings and i know this." he sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "i can't make you love me and i can't hate you for that. i took the risk when i told you. i was pretty sure you wouldn't love me back anyway." yeah, he had thought this over since the beginning. he never expected anyone to love him, he didn't know why anyone would want to love him. so he was fine with it. he was prepared. sad but prepared. "don't say that detta. you wouldn't have to hate anyone because its so easy for someone to love you back."

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words: 438
tagged: ruby with vendetta
notes::D

[vendetta raelynn williams]

detta had always known she was pretty like the girl next door. her mother was a beautiful ballerina that was known world wide. where do you think she got her looks from? she was constantly dancing to keep in shape. it helped that she was in the varsity cheerleading team to help keep in shape. from the amount of practice they go throw, and the exercise that's drilled into them, it was no wonder how fit these girls were. but she never considered herself beautiful. she wasn't beautiful like her mother or any of the girls here at riverside. everyone was so amazingly exquisite and stunning in their own way. it was hard to compete. she felt like she kind of just blended in with the background. there was nothing defining about her features. she was just another blonde girl with a nice and sweet smile.

but she didn't mind not being beautiful. sure, sometimes she felt sad that there were so many beautiful people around her only to see her own reflection, but she tried not to let it bother her as much. her personality made up for her lack of beauty. at least she tried to do that. her mother hadn't been around to teach her to be polite or nice or keep a smile on her face, but she did learn it herself, and she had an amazing father. she also had amazing friends and family who kept her in check. they told her when she was doing something out of spite and when she was being rude. they were the ones who kept her the detta that she is. and she couldn't possibly ask for a better group of people in her life. not to mention caleb who has went above and beyond to always be by her side, constantly feeding her compliments.

of course, she knew that he did that because he was in love with her now. she bit down on her lower lip, guilt still eating up at her for lying to him about her feelings. she raised her head a little so she could look at him in the eyes, mesmerized as usual. she listened intently as he spoke, but immediately looked away, her teeth grazing at the insides of her cheeks guiltily. she shook her head, "that's not true. it's not easy for people to love me back." she muttered, chewing at her lower lip. she placed her hand on the bed as she pushed herself up to a sitting position despite the pain that was screaming at her from the left side of her stomach. "cale..... there's..... there's something i have to tell you...." she stuttered, avoiding all eye contact with him. "i umm.... i lied...."


tagged: caleb
notes: blah

[caleb hunter mcmillian]

to caleb she was so much more then just the pretty girl next door. she was vendetta raelynn williams and her smile lit up a room. her eyes were the prettiest color, they made his heart melt when he looked into them. her hair looked so soft, all he wanted to do was run his hands through them. her lips were just as beautiful and all he wanted to do was kiss them, because who wouldnt? everything about detta made his heart race, made his palms sweet. he could spend hours just looking at her and he could be happy. to see her bright smile and her insides were just as beautiful as her outsides. she was sweet, caring, outgoing and just all around the perfect girl. there was just no one else who could compare to the talented and exquisite girl on the hospital bed in front of him.

the compliments weren't just to make her happy but he was glad the made her smile. they were the truth. he felt everything he said about her were nothing but the truth. he couldn't help it. he just wanted her to see how beautiful she really was, how amazing she really was. she was just so...there weren't even enough words in the english language to describe vendetta. she was magnifisome. yeah magnificent and awesome. okay so he made it up but thats what he needed to do. he had to create his own words to describe the beautiful girl he was just so madly in love with.

caleb just shook his head at his detta, no wait, she wasn't his anymore. they were still best friends or thats what she somewhat said on the chat, when he said they were just two best friends talking. but he didn't feel like calling her 'his' detta, because it didn't make any sense to do that because there just wasn't any reason to do so anymore. she'd never be his and he now knew that. before, well he had that tiny bit of hope he clung to, that was gone. it was the only thing that kept the boy bright eyed and bushy-tailed throughout the day. the hope he would be with vendetta williams that she would become vendetta mcmillian some day. that was what he clung too. now it was taken from him and he didn't like it. she would be someone's vendetta but not his. "it really is detta, your so amazing." when she said that she lied. well that confused him. about what? there could be so many things that could be lies. he looked down at her, "lied about what?"

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words: 442
tagged: ruby with vendetta
notes:awwwww he so cute and mushyxD

[vendetta raelynn williams]

as much as she didn't want to admit it, she loved hearing caleb compliment her the way he always does. even though a lot of people call her beautiful no matter how many times she denies it, she still didn't believe she was. beautiful is what you described someone extraordinary, someone incredible. and she felt like she was neither. she didn't do anything extraordinary. she didn't look incredible. there were other girls in this school that did. but when caleb said it, things were different. she used to think he was just saying it like everybody else. before she knew that he loved her, him saying beautiful meant nothing to her because the reason he said that was because she was his best friend. he was only saying it to please her. it didn't mean anything because she didn't think he liked her in that sense. he only saw her as the girl they could share things with. she was just detta.

but now, she knew better. after knowing that he was in love with her, she finally understood that he actually meant it. from the way he looked at her said it all. looking into his eyes now, it was obvious how he saw her. and no matter how much she kept denying to herself, she had to admit she liked hearing him compliment her the way he does. it sounded so genuine. it actually made her feel beautiful. like she was everything he said she was. and it pained her to know that she was keeping her feelings from him. he deserved to know. it would only be fair. she couldn't make the decision for him because she felt it was the right thing to do. it wasn't her decision to make. if he wanted to stay by her side no matter how ugly she looked and how close she was to dying, then that was his choice. if it made him happy to be by her side, then she was fine with that. all she wanted was for him to be happy. and if that made him happy then so be it.

and maybe, hopefully, she could become mrs. mcmillian one day. but she knew that would never happen because the span of her life time was too short, and they were too young to get married. she wanted to be all his, and she wanted him all to herself. however, how could this happen when she lied to him about not loving him? the guilt was constantly eating her up. she could barely sleep at night despite the fact that she was always tired. she didn't want to tell him. she didn't want to ruin his future. she didn't want him to love her. but at the same time, she wanted to tell him. she wanted him to know how much she cared for him. she wanted to let him know that she loved him as much as he loved her. her mind refused to let her say it, but her heart kept screaming how much it wanted caleb. she blushed again as he told her shew as amazing. it was like music to her ears. she bit her lip again, "umm.... about how i felt umm.... about you...." she forced herself to look into his eyes, "i..... i do feel the same.... i.... i'm in love with you. i've always been in love with you, and always will."


tagged: caleb
notes: an even blah-er post >.>

[caleb hunter mcmillian]

he knew they were way too young but it wouldn't keep him from dreaming and hoping he could marry her. at least for a little while before he lost her. why did she even have this? why did she have to go through all of this pain? why didn't god do this? she was so sweet and caring and the best person he ever met. but no, out of all the people in the world. the murderers, the rapists, they were all safe but his detta was going through so much pain and would soon leave the earth. he'd have to deal with it but he wanted to be with her before he couldn't anymore. was that so much to ask? well it was obvious that it wasn't going to happen and that god didn't care about how amazing detta was. she was just dying and it hurt.

those words that came off her lips next, were like music to his ears and he felt a heavy load lift off his chest. it was what he wished for, for her to love him. it was amazing. the happiness that spread through his chest and he was oh so relieved that she could love him back. he felt for weeks that he would never be happy but here he was. just happy. it was like nothing else and he couldn't keep from wanting to hold her and kiss her and love her but he didn't know what to say. so much was running through his head and he couldn't make a single thing come out of his mouth. "detta...i'm so happy." it was all he could say but it showed on his face. in his eyes, through the smile that was on his face. oh god it was a miracle. "i love you..i'm so glad."

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words: 306
tagged: ruby with vendetta
notes:<.< sorry my brain hurts :( i seepy

[vendetta raelynn williams]

when she first found out she had cancer, detta wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about it. she thought she was catching the symptoms of a flu, or at least what felt like the flu. however, the symptoms weren't disappearing, so she went to go see her family doctor. her doctor had no idea what was wrong- except it wasn't a flu that she was having. but the doctor had found it weird, so she sent detta to get a blood test. the result had come up funny, so she transferred the sixteen year old to the doctor she had now in the local hospital. after hours of tests and scans, he had come to a conclusion a week later that she had chronic myelogenous leukemia. at first she had thought he was just joking with her because what sixteen year old could possibly have leukemia? it wasn't possible. but then it was just shock. she couldn't register the fact that she had cancer and only had a few more years to live.

she hadn't wanted to believe that she had cancer. she didn't want to. she didn't deserve this. why her? why did the cancer cells choose her? she was always eating healthy, she was optimistic, she was nice to people, and she never ever swore. she was a good girl that was constantly being generous. why did god choose her? it wasn't fair. for the longest time, she was angry with god because of this, but then she realized she had to come to terms with it and accept it. accept that she didn't have long to live, and that she should cherish the time she had left to live. still, she didn't know how to tell her daddy and kelsey. she didn't want to be the one to break the news to them, but she would have to sooner or later. and she chose later. she'll tel them. eventually. she just had to wait for the right time, and this wasn't it.

this was the time to concentrate on how relieving it is to finally tell caleb how she truly felt all along. it was like all the guilt that was eating away at her vanished, leaving her in an airy state, like her body weight was suddenly fifty pounds lighter. her eyes widened a little at his reaction to her confession. he seemed so happy. his eyes brightened like fireworks in the night sky. from his lack of speech to the big smile on his face put butterflies in vendetta's tummy. she grinned, "good, i'm glad." him being happy that she was in love with him made her that much more ecstatic. she felt like she was walking on air and her mind was in the clouds. it was so amazing to finally say it and get it off her chest. "i love you too, and i'm so happy to know that you're not mad at me for lying to you." she said, biting down on her lower lip guiltily.


tagged: caleb